[Editor’s note: It all comes down to this. What final weekend scheduling strategy will win the Bottom 10 title? Head-to-head matchups between ranked teams or blowout losses to good teams?]
Inspirational ideas of the week:
It was learned in a game
That was played by all of us
Who kept the top of the hill
From the rest is called king
And I can’t believe it’s all good for mankind
We will run with all our might
Push the king up the hill
And to find out who is the king
And who made better serfs
– “King of the Hill”, Minutemen
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in a suddenly empty U-Haul estate in South Bend, Indiana, we, like Brian Kelly – and Lincoln Riley and Sonny Dykes and, heck, take your pick – loaded an orange truck all the way up Grandma’s Attic and changed locations this week. No, not permanently, but for a single night in suburban Grapevine, Texas, to determine this year’s final rankings. We couldn’t afford the fancy Gaylord Texan diggers used by schmancy football fans, so we once again set up shop in a boardroom at nearby DFW Hacienda Courts. .
It’s all out of respect for the training carousel and the CFP, but the real work is underway. The last year of 2021 # Bottom10 The meeting of the Selection Committee has begun. pic.twitter.com/yWgwP22qNq
– Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) November 30, 2021
The 2021 Bottom 10 selection committee team includes me, Captain Morgan, former secretary of state Madeleine Albright, as well as former head coaches Dan Mullen, Ed Orgeron, Jerry Glanville, Charlie Weis, Bob Stoops and Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero . In the 11th hour, however, we were forced to make some last-minute changes to that lineup. First, we realized we couldn’t afford Captain Morgan and had to settle for Calico Jack. After that, Stoops left it to the Oklahoma Sooners coach in whatever bowl game they ended up in. In fact, all the old trainers are essentially useless as they stare at their phones all night hoping to get caught up in the training carousel that suddenly spins faster than the space station’s. immersed in “Gravity.”
Well, everyone, except Weis. He was, as always, napping on a mattress lined with cash. At least he’s trying to take a nap. Mullen and Orgeron kept waking him up to ask where they could get one of those pads to hide the newly discovered scratch.
When we asked everyone to fasten their seat belts, the selection process began and now I, like CFP selection president Gary Barta, are stepping out to face the media so I can defend undeniable thing.
With apologies to Thomas Bradshaw, Paul Revere and Steve Harvey, here are the bottom 10 rankings for 2021.
1. UMess (1-11)
Ralph W. Emerson, The Dial … President McGee, Massachusetts defeated Connecticut on October 9, but your committee already has UMass in place. Conn, er, can you explain that?
While we certainly understand why some people who might have an issue with us seem to ignore confrontation results, we’ll remind them that direct contact is also targeting. We also remind them that after the UConn win, UMass has lost six in a row, including a pair loss to FCS schools and last week’s Pillow Fight of the Year: Part Deux match, a 44-27 defeat at hand. State of New Mexico, who was ranked second in the Bottom 10 at the time. It reminds me of a famous saying: “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” UMass just failed. And sorry, Mr. Emerson, but I can’t remember who said that in the first place.
2. FI (not A) U (1-11)
Trent Crimm, The Independent … Mr. McGee, your committee has moved Florida International up, or more accurately, down a point or more precisely, behind Connecticut despite the fact that they have identical records. Do you care to explain yourself?
Trent, here’s a candid comparison of victory. UConn’s only win came just six weeks ago against Yale, who finished 4th in the FCS Ivy League. But FIU’s only win came back in Week 1 against Long Island University, and we can find very little evidence that there is an actual Long Island University or that they have a football team. And don’t convince me of one’s self-interpretation. We’re all still waiting for your explanation about finding the source.
3. Impossible (1-11)
Randy Edsall, editor-in-chief, randyedsallisawesome.net… Would you like to take this time to apologize for all the nasty things you’ve said and written about me this year?
Which depends. Do you have a “sorry received” bonus clause in your contract?
Correct.
Then no.
4. By the time I arrived in Arizona (1-11)
Johnny Ringo, Tombstone … President McGee, ArizonaThis year’s only win was against Cal, who beat Stanford, who beat Oregon, who beat Ohio State, who just beat Michigan and will likely be in the College Football Playoff Round.. .
Wait, your information is wrong. Ohio State just lost to Michigan.
(Check notes) Sorry. New question. Is Doc Holliday my huckleberry?
Yes, but you are not a daisy. You have nothing interesting.
5. ROCK in UTSA (11-1)
0:31
Ayo Adeyi hits the ball 42 yards away from UTSA
Mel Blanc, Chicago Sunday Tribunk… UT San Antonio was once a mainstay of this standings but was undefeated until inexplicably lost to North Texas Lean Green 45-23. Was that game bad enough to legally land the Roadrunners in this coveted 5th Place, or did the committee put them in here out of a desire for some sort of Bottom 10 nostalgia?
Hey, it’s always great to see old friends again, even if it’s a funeral. But make no mistake about it, UTSA earned this spot the classic way: by making a lot of mistakes about it. It was the most embarrassing loss for a Roadrunner since the only one Wile E. Coyote has captured his archenemy. Then again, Wile E. was so cowed that he couldn’t do anything to the giant laner once he caught him, which felt like a preview of the title game. This weekend’s USA Conference with another old Bottom 10 game, the Western Kentucky Hillstoppers, is listed as the underdog by an initial point to the sure-fire meep meep.
6. Indiana? Who, sir? (2-10)
John Cougar, Seymour Tribune… Speaking of Western Kentucky, they are one of the Indianatwo wins this season. The other game was against Idaho and now the Hoosiers have fired their offensive coordinator and head coach Tom Allen has had his pay cut.
Sorry, John, that’s just a bunch of facts. Do you have any question?
Correct. You’ve been using that ROCK in UTSA jokes for years now. Have you paid my record label royalties for that use?
The next question …
7. US (not C) F (2-10)
Jack “Cowboy” Kelly of New York World… In Orlando, people are confused as to why South Florida included in this ranking even though they had just lost the War on I-4 to Central Florida in a wild finish. Also, we’re still confused as to why South Florida calls itself South Florida because they’re actually in Tampa, like me and Central Florida, located here in central Florida.
Yes, Cowboy, the committee agreed that it was mandatory to have the USA Athletic Conference representative of the American track and field athletes in this ranking and the race for that spot was down to a pair of 2-10 teams. AACAA, USF and Tulane, and USF beat Tulane head-to-head just two days ago last weekend. For the geography question… wait… Cowboy Kelly of the New York World, do you live in Orlando? Are you the kid from “Newsies”?
Yes… now available on Disney Plus! **click**
8. Mexican Whew State (2-10)
Walter White of Albuquerque Journal … It is clearly beneficial for Aggies beat Massachusetts in what you would call the Pillow Fight of the Year: The End, but did the hiring of Jerry Kill as the new New Mexico State coach play a factor in the committee’s decision to move move the team from second to eighth?
As we watched the game, this was hard to hear because Jerry Glanville had “Stone City Detroit” stuck in his head and was constantly singing out loud, we were so married to the idea of a potential big move. Once NMSU hired Jerry, it simply became the perfect game of kiss, marry, kill.
9. Discord (2-10)
Chrissie Hynde from Akron Pretender… After showing signs of life in early November Zipper have lost their last two games by a combined score of 87-14 and now the plethora of bigger jobs are available that look set to snag the most potential head coach candidates for Akron. What would you say to the people of Akron to lift their spirits?
Hey, at least this week, you can know for sure that once you’re not the most disappointing team in Ohio State.
10. Arkansaw State (2-10)
Jim Jones of We are Jonesboro Not Jonestown … Mr. McGee, Vanderbilt has held this position for the past few weeks. The decisive factor in moving them out and State of Arkansas at the end of the season?
This is a boost by any measure, so we actually did some research to find the best tiebreak scenarios between Vandy and Red Wolves. When another committee member reminded me, a graduate student in Tennessee, that Butch Jones’ Vols team had scored 2-3 against Vanderbilt, I reflexively demanded that his current team be ranked. into this position.
Do you remember which committee member pointed that out to you?
Yes, it’s definitely Calico Jack.
Waiting list: Vanderbilt Commode Doors, Southern Missed, Tulame, unLv, Kansas Nayhawks, Minute Rice, Temple Bowels, Whew Mexico, Ireland goodbye, COVID-19.
