I used to sit by the window of my father’s makeshift painting studio in the basement as a child and watch him paint for hours. I would observe his face in focus, his humble eyes examining the brushstrokes. And it wasn’t until I became clear that I realized that this was a time of hours at night, long after keeping the space all day long as a mentor, a teacher, a father, and a parent. husband. I see now that that painting probably paid for my dance lessons. That the car he was fixing in the garage could be sponsoring another travel soccer league. He’s so talented and really loves to celebrate other aspects that he cares about. But when did it slip from hobby to necessity? Whenever it happens, I’m there to absorb it. And the society in which I grew up perpetuated the “more equal” narrative.
In the first few pages are read General theory by Greg McKeown, I knew this book was going to change the way I see, well, almost everything — and I’m really not saying it one-sidedly. While reading the pages with my ears, sentences were highlighted and formed the idea of a tattoo on my forehead to use as daily reminders (all the hallmarks of a true page-turner! ). While every chapter and section explodes in corners with unshakable wisdom, three of the themes in particular remain a mirror for a long but necessary stretch of time.
These are the most important lessons I learned from the book General theory.
Lesson learned 1: Overhaul your triggers (Page 209)
In this segment, McKeown talks about the difficulty of change a habit, no matter how big or small it is, no matter how badly we want it to change. He goes on to explain some of the more tangible ways we can rewire and reframe these seemingly impossible forces.
I’d like to start by saying that this is an incredibly complex, layered topic (ironically, since we’re here to discuss overarching simplicity) but maybe that’s why it is. very difficult. How could something meant to “bring less noise” into our lives feel too loud to actually hear?
Our reactions to things are often really habits that we have mentally formed and it can be difficult to tell the difference. I don’t know about you, but I find myself overreacting to something as basic as a mission to my business with the same energy and nerves of preparing for a marathon. Or I’ll find that constantly pinging different messages, emails, and notifications leaves me in a state of savior overload and complexity, thinking that someone else’s request is much more urgent than that. with the task before me. And, honestly, we all know how the cycle usually ends: Fight or Flight > Worry about running out of time > Panic > Mental paralysis.
One thing that has helped me better deal with what makes me feel like I need to be “on” all the time? Mass communication! It’s not a novel idea, but one I’ve been working on recently. If you’re a little bit human and want to be ready for anything, I strongly encourage you to toss your phone on airplane mode from time to time to focus deeply or be okay with the message that’s going on. unread until you can take the time to reply. Your energy will be less like the salt sprinkled on the day and you will instead be able to give incomplete answers by answering hastily.
Takeaway 2: Forgot to Choose (Pages 36 and 37)
One of my favorite quotes from the entire book is, “The ability to choose cannot be taken away or even given away – it can only be forgotten.” The continuation goes home deeper into how we get to the point of forgetting that we have choices when we are so focused on other demands. Somewhere between learned helplessness and peripheral expectations, we fall prey to an impersonal lifestyle, blindly relinquishing autonomy. actually make us strong. The feedback loop most of us get stuck in that prevents us from needing in the first place is the equivalent of running on a treadmill at full speed, except that the stop button doesn’t work and doesn’t work. there are handles to guide us, so we have no choice but to keep running until we’re upside down in the face, against our will.
I have not counted how many times in my life I have lamented the fact that there is not enough time for a long lunch or a mid-day walk when there is so much to do. When you put on too many hats, they often come with a veil of confusion beyond the “productive thing to do,” where the array of responsibilities feels too difficult to make a choice.
The feedback loop most of us get stuck in that prevents us from needing in the first place is the equivalent of running on a treadmill at full speed, except that the stop button doesn’t work and doesn’t work. there’s a handle to guide us, so we have no choice but to keep running.
The physical space opens up the mental space by proxy. We know this and it’s always better to take a wrong path when we can’t stand the “shoulds”. It is not uncommon for people to sublimate any form of anxiety, grief, or fear in work or production. In fact, some might argue that it’s sometimes in their interest to be a means to distract and maintain buoyancy. (I’ll be in camp where sometimes this can even be healthy!) But we know that road is deadly murky, especially Americans. And praise for going above and beyond only forms a conduit for needing more, filling more, present than.
Pause.
Do you feel satisfied by doing Or are you? remove? Choice is the difference and it takes constant effort but eventually comes down to being less frustrated and more engaged with who you are.
Lesson learned 3: The power of a gracious “No” (Page 131)
Opening with these prophecies, “Saying the right ‘no’ at the right time can change the course of history,” this part of the book brought me to a halt in my journey. There are examples of this, overall, it is absolutely true and very powerful to think about. And what about the less monumental ones, which seem less broken than the earth but over time change the course of our own lives, schedules, and overall space? The author’s analysis of this and his examples of how to handle such a heavy word really gives it a go.
We are very tough on people (*cough* some of us more than others) due to our inherent desire to be sociable, less socially awkward, to keep our energies upbeat, and to fear being reprimanded. To do what works for us at the moment and muttering the word “no,” whatever it may be, is a challenge. Whether it’s your boss or your parent’s character, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone you’re afraid to disappoint, right? For most of my life, I’d rather NOT say no and face the consequences of my discomfort to keep the peace in the room, but it never stops there. Our society perpetuates this by telling us we have “such big hearts” or glorifying/taking advantage of people pleasers and in turn, hot-mix resentment like coffee (and we’re talking the kind that burns your tongue with every sip).
The beauty of decline isn’t always in saying those two little letters. It can also be wrapped in an “I love you for inviting me but I couldn’t commit more right now. Thank you for thinking of me though! ”
Practicing essentialism teaches us to read the room without being engulfed in its energy. If you are an HSP (highly sensitive person) of any kind, this can be extremely difficult as it is very difficult to discern whose energies are yours or theirs, which shades to use or remove. But the more we can eliminate clutter, silence, and stay within our boundaries, the more obvious this becomes. And, suddenly, standing in a room where you can feel the weight of heavy energy, you know it’s no longer your thing to carry around because you’re so grounded in who you are.
In short, if it’s not a hell, yes, it’s a no (thank you).
An easy way to integrate all of this into everyday life when situations are hectic is what page 24 popped out and made me shake when I read it:discover, remove, execute. ” These three Es are a complementary reminder of all the wisdom on nearly every page. (And possibly my first forehead tattoo mentioned above.)
Now if you’ll excuse me, this pot calling the kettle black puts the sage mind of Gregory McKeown into action because I have sixteen tabs to close, a phone to silence and one The sidewalk was begging me for permission to evaluate the noisy thoughts that were repeating in my head. As it turns out, the world and all the work will still be there when the time runs out, and perhaps it all feels a little lighter to shoulder it. Hell, we might even be better parents, partners, friends, or business owners when we get back.
Small win? We love that for all of us.
Sarah Hrudka Behlke is a girl with great affection, even bigger hair, who has never met a stranger. She is a co-owner of designer brand linyage and velvet raptor, and a lifestyle photographer. When she hasn’t spilled coffee on her white t-shirt, you can find her in her new backyard with her husband, almost 1-year-old girl and 4-year-old boy –– where he is likely wiping Her sticky hands on her white back serve the ball.
