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I raised 2 successful CEOs and a doctor. Here’s my biggest problem with ‘helicopter parenting’


so many Today’s parents think that the best way to educate children is to take full control. This is the foundation of “helicopter parenting,” very relevant parenting style in which children have little or no control over their daily activities.

Learn have shown that children with helicopter parents, who have high expectations of academic performance or overreact when they make mistakes, tend to self-criticism, anxiety and vulnerability.

But my biggest problem with helicopter parenting? It doesn’t value kindness and turns kids into narcissists.

Too many parents focus only on winning, believing that if their children are not perfect, they will fail in life. And if their children fail, they fail too. That is a very selfish and narrow way of thinking.

Why kindness is important in parenting

When we focus on personal success, we are inadvertently enhancing children who lack empathy. Children don’t have time to think about others when they are focused on performing.

Kindness is my priority to teach my daughters when they are young. Currently, Susan is the CEO of YouTubeJanet is a professor of pediatrics, and Anne is the co-founder and CEO of a genetics and health company 23andMe.

But it was never about money or fame to them. They are motivated to make a difference in the lives of others.

For Susan, kindness means taking better care of employees. While at Google, she helped set up a daycare program. She knows parents will be happier and work better if they know their children are well cared for. She also struggles to get longer maternity leave.

For Janet, kindness means helping parents raise strong kids with healthy eating habits. And for Anne, kindness gives people more control over their health by helping them understand their own genome.

Kind people also tend to happier and live longer. All acts of kindness have some self-interest in them: They give us a sense of peace and meaning that nothing can buy.

How to teach kindness at a young age

Kindness is a way of life, not something you do several times a year around Christmas or Thanksgiving.

Here are my tips for raising kind and caring kids:

  1. Make “thank you” a household buzzword. I have taught my daughters to always thank me, thank each other, and thank everyone who has done something for them.
  2. Help them find stores in their community. Look around. What problems need solutions? How can your child participate? They can take care of the elderly, participate in cleaning up the environment, become mentors or help at a soup kitchen.
  3. Model it yourself. If you’re grateful for what you have, your kids will too. If you’re always complaining, expect them to do the same.
  4. Ask them to write a thank you note. My daughters regularly write to their grandfathers in Poland. Some are pretty mediocre, but they’re sharing their lives with him: “I went to the park today and played with my friend Jessica. I miss you.”
  5. Get them a gratitude journal. Will be happy to read many years later. “I’m grateful for a ladybug I found today.” “I’m so glad my sister shared her ice cream.”
  6. Play pretend at home. All you have to do is give your child a story, a set of clothes or a toy – and he’ll create his own characters. When children pretend to be someone else, they learn what it feels like to be in someone else’s shoes. It makes them think outside of their own lives, a state necessary for empathy.
  7. Be nice to them when they mess up. We may think that yelling and spanking work, but it only creates anger and guilt. Children also tend to follow stereotypes and get angry and yell when others make mistakes.

Everyone needs to be shown and taught kindness so they can reflect kindness to the world, and that starts at home when they are children. That’s what it truly means to raise successful people and shape the next generation.

Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist, and best-selling author “How to Raise Successful People.” She is also the co-founder of Tract.app and head of the parenting department at sesh. Follow her on Twitter @EstherWojcicki.

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