Thanksgiving sucks. It’s the only time of year you see all the family members again that you spend the remaining 364 days of the year avoiding. You know, that cousin is the way into NFT and stock meme. The uncle listens Joe Rogan Experience and somehow figure out how to reference it at every drop of the hat. It’s all just fatigue.
And that doesn’t even understand how bad the turkey is. Turkey is like Bunny Bread of meat. Dry, tasteless and raw. Thanksgiving is a problematic holiday for many reasons, but I think the turkey is the cherry on this crappy custard pie. How have we made such an ugly, bland bird the center of this whole annual tradition? Don’t get me started with the weirdness under the turkey chin. I find it hard to believe that people eat these creatures.
I tend to skip my family’s Thanksgiving. While it may have made me a son, a family member, and a bad person in general, it made me mentally healthier. I can’t handle awkward conversations Thanksgiving is forced to leave people alone. No, AJ, I don’t want to hear what you think about the Bored Ape Yacht Club; It’s a bad investment. Mitch, I absolutely don’t need to watch the clip of Joe Rogan interviewing Dave Chappelle on the iPhone 7. Literally, why Jacob has a gun on him? In the case of pumpkin pie try something fun?
What does this have to do with video games? Not much. But since we’re off this week and need to fill out the site, here’s my pick for five video game characters that will make Thanksgiving awkward.
5: This little person from the Minit game (not sure if they have a name or not)
If there’s one thing you can say about Thanksgiving, it’s that Thanksgiving lasts too long. But you have to be there, paying attention and talking in order to show up with your family. So can you imagine if every 60 seconds one of you literally died and had to start all over again?
I don’t know much about Minit – I’ve never actually played the game – but thanks for it Wikipedia page, I know that you play the game minute by minute. After that minute is up, you die and start over.
This would be the most obnoxious way to celebrate Thanksgiving. Everyone is going through this whole ordeal together, but this lil guy, Mike Minit, as we’ll call him, keeps starting over every 60 seconds. He walks in, greets his family, shakes a hand or two, takes a plate, looks at the pile of food, and dies. Moments later, he returned to the door, repeating the whole process.
It sounds annoying. I cannot deal with it.
4: Heartman from Death Stranding
You know, while we’re at it, this guy’s gonna be worse than Mike! Every 21 minutes, Heartman’s heart stops beating, he dies, and he goes to the Beach in search of his wife and daughter before being revived in the real world three minutes later. That’s not quite as bad as Mr. Minit – but Heartman spends 21 minutes on this mortal coil constantly lecturing and over-explaining the science of the natural world. God, you can’t say a word to this guy.
Here I am, trying to get a little help on Monday dinner, and this freak is telling me about extinct entities. Shut up! The only thing that will go extinct around here is my patience if you don’t leave me alone, Heartman.
3: Mara in the Shin Megami Tensei and Persona series
You can just look at the picture; I don’t need to write anything here.
…
… Actually, while we’re on the subject of the Persona and Shin Megami Tensei series, those games are filled with crude (and confusingly sexy) creatures that you shouldn’t invite. attend your Thanksgiving meeting. I mean, just look at this!
You know, for a series about high school students, the Persona and Shin Megami Tensei games are filled with creatures that are almost or exactly like their south-facing traits. This, now that I think about it, is somewhat in line with what’s on most high school students’ minds.
However, you can’t invite any of these people to your family’s Thanksgiving! It’s a revocable offense if I ever see it. How are you going to walk in with Arioch (second from left) and ever look your grandmother in the eye again? They are so sexy! You expect me to be able to eat mashed potatoes when Master Therion (far right) faces me all that going on? I don’t know about you, but I was too confused, distracted, and confusingly engaging to get through dinner. At best, I need some time to lie down and soothe myself.
Oops, if one of my family members brings any of these creatures to dinner, you better believe I’ll be happy to talk to AJ, Mitch, and Jacob. Maybe all three at once!
2: Trubbish from Pokémon
Hey, Pokémon fans, explain this to me. Trubbish is literally just a trash bag with some googly eyes sewn on the front. The Pokémon Company is a billion dollar company and this is what the genius minds out there are working on these days? That’s some rubbish if I’ve ever heard it.
Anyway, you must not bring trash to your Thanksgiving gathering. Your aunt took her new boyfriend away!
1: Wyzen from Asura’s Wrath
He’s too big! What will you do with this guy? Even if you live in the Boeing Everett Factory – where Cnet speak to me is the largest building on Earth, by volume (3.5 billion gallons) – you still can’t fit this guy in your home.
Even if you can hold Wyzen’s size, how can you feed it? He could eat all the Thanksgiving prepared food in all the participating homes, and his stomach probably wouldn’t even notice the difference. It would be like taking out six ordinary dust mites and calling it a meal.
If Wyzen shows up before your Thanksgiving, you know you’re going to have an awkward evening. Unbelievably and impenetrably, you should leave him off your invite list.
Oh, that’s it, guys. Is our list accurate? Let us know what you think! Which video game character do you think would make for an awkward Thanksgiving? Make your voice heard in the comments. Please, I beg you, join this story. Leave a comment. Any comments. The longer your comment, the better. Show a friend this article. Bring it up during Thanksgiving to your family members. Encourage everyone you know to turn off the sound in the comments below! Please! PLEASE!
