Lifestyle

‘Who are you, and what have you done to my wife?’


Men all over the world often feel frustrated and bewildered by the seemingly sudden change in their partners as they come of age. menopause. They don’t call it a Useless Change. I am a female transition etiquette expert who has been running menopause programs for over 10 years.

One woman’s husband asked her: “Who are you? And what did you do to my wife? Other women on my shows have joked that menopause can mean “pause” to “men.” It seems that both sexes need space and education to learn about this formerly taboo subject.

Some topics were taboo for husbands and wives.  Menopause shouldn't be among them.

Some topics were taboo for husbands and wives. Menopause shouldn’t be among them. Credit: Jessica Shapiro

Menopause (when a woman’s periods stop) usually occurs with a gradual decline between the ages of 45 and 55. But symptoms can often begin earlier in the period called perimenopause, in the early 40s or even in the late 30s.

Women and their partners can be blindsided by an onslaught of symptoms like hot flashes, insomnia, night sweats, heart palpitations, goosebumps, and mood swings. Women are caught off guard when these symptoms start to appear and it’s hard to find information — or even a medical professional who knows a lot about it.

There has been a huge increase in education about puberty and childbirth over the past 20 years. Now we need to do the same for menopause and perimenopause. Middle-aged women with their husbands, partners and families have suffered in silence for many years. It must change.

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When hormone replacement therapy emerged, the main source of information about menopause became the pharmaceutical industry. While HRT was initially celebrated and embraced by women, a study published in 2002 saw millions of women give up this treatment. This study was later proven to be flawed and safer, more effective ways of using hormones were developed (now known as MHT – menopausal hormone therapy). This information and other treatments have been accepted very slowly by medical professionals, and women in general have been kept in the dark.

New, non-hormonal treatments are also being tested. They act on the temperature regulation system in the brain. Entering perimenopause is like quitting a drug addiction. For 30 to 40 years, our female brains have been bathed in the hormone estrogen, which is now rapidly declining. Our bodies can become hot-tempered, restless, and irritable, and our moods swing wildly while this withdrawal process takes place. It can happen within 5 to 10 years.

Most women experience some symptoms such as extreme fatigue, hot flashes, and night sweats, but about 25% of women experience severe, life-disrupting symptoms. Fatigue, depression, and osteoporosis have all been linked to menopause.

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