I don’t know how to stop looking, disgusted, and critical of every nook and cranny of my face. The past three years of constantly staring at your screen hasn’t helped. I Zoom in and then zoom in on my reflection only to face those puffy eyes with puffy, aging skin (did I have those wrinkles an hour ago?)
I knew intellectually that I was someone society would normally consider attractive and that staring at my flaws wouldn’t make them go away. However, I cannot stop. (Without Zoom, I’m faced with car rear-view mirrors, offender #1—especially with that LA traffic.)
According to neuroscientists and psychiatrists Dr. Dave Rabinfounder Apollo Clinic, where he specializes in treatment-resistant mental health disorders, I have a facial deformity. It is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder in that it involves a preoccupation or obsession with a person’s physical “defects” that are disproportionate to the perceived impairment.
Theories suggest that one or more past traumas that devalue our sense of self is at the root of this pathological self-loathing thought process. For me, the COVID-19 pandemic has unleashed an unprecedented siege of self-criticism, which began when I was a clumsy 13-year-old with a metal mouth and Jane-style brown hair. While some people perfect their sourdough or TikTok during the pandemic, I strip everything off my face, obsessively stripping my looks to self-soothe for months. blindly the same day. Hitting me in the face is how I parted ways that day, how I sought solace in the face of existential unknowns. That’s how I feel seen. Some call it facial dysmorphic disorder. I think it’s better to interpret it as Face Hate.
Turns out, I’m not the only one with Face Hate. Around 5 to 10 million people in the United States Have body dysmorphic disorder, including the face. As you might expect, this number is growing as the time we spend on our devices increases. Algorithmic face filters and unalterable screens reinforce ever-narrowing beauty standards that keep us from pursuing.”Instagram face,” an aesthetic that many social media beauty filters mimic to present a youthful face with pore-free skin; plump high cheekbones; and fox eyes.
“People are 100% more obsessed with their faces than ever before,” says the Beverly Hills-based esthetician. Dr. Rahi Sarbaziha, who also attribute our increasing facial fixation to the growing aesthetic industry and technological advances in treatment.
All this hatred of faces not only leads to dyslexia but also to collective malaise. a february CDC report revealed that 57% of high school girls reported experiencing “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the past year,” up from 36% in 2011, with social media playing a major role in crushing children’s self-esteem. It didn’t take a doctor to tell us we needed a cure. How do we rise above self-loathing to make peace with our thoughts?
Here’s how to stop the frenzy of Face Hate.
1. Give yourself a break. You’re not alone.
According to one 2021 study published by International Journal of Women’s Dermatology surveyed more than 7,000 participants across the United States, “time spent on video conferencing, social media use, and filter usage on these platforms has increased during the pandemic has led to increased awareness about themselves and their mental health worsening.” That’s put it lightly. However, while feeling less alone with your Hate Face may ease, you can still cringe at your reflection. So let’s be more realistic.
2. For the love of God, turn off your pride.
This means stopping staring at yourself on Zoom, in the mirror, or in any other sneaky place that makes you your worst critic. There’s no harm in taking a selfie because you’re “feeling yourself,” but spending too much time appreciating your reflection can take on a life of its own.
“Nerve cells burn together, connecting with each other,” explains Rabin. “The more we practice thinking about ourselves as defective, the less we feel we are — and this connection becomes stronger each time we go down that path.” Yes, the more we hate ourselves, the more we hate ourselves.
Two Board Certified Plastic Surgeon based in Beverly Hills Dr. Ben Talei suggests, “Don’t look at yourself – that’s how I live my life, or I’ll go crazy.” Easier said than done, but the sentiment still stands: less time to see your own face, people. But when you do, give yourself a high five, because following motivational speakers and authors Mel RobbinsPolishing your own reflection will silence your inner critic.
3. Don’t compare and despair.
“Our lives are increasingly virtual, so we have less input on what a real human face looks like,” says Jessica DeFino, former beauty writer and founder of the site. web, said. unpublishableA Substack newsletter with over 70,000 subscribers reveals untold secrets of the beauty industry.
“With filters, we are constantly flooded with digitally altered images to measure ourselves,” she explains. “Standards of beauty are getting stricter, dehumanizing, and unsustainable.” Lesson learned: Don’t compare yourself to your screened self; it’s a dead end that makes you feel less than great. But if you get stuck, study say self-compassion (i.e. practice a attention meditation) makes you more accepting of yourself and therefore less susceptible to filtering factors.
4. Practice a shining example
be an examplea new age practice popularized by self-love pioneers Louise Hay, designed to cultivate compassion. It just takes a little time, a mirror, and a few positive affirmations — and a 2017 found it to be a compassion exercise that had a calming effect on the parasympathetic nervous system.
So grab some paper; Write affirmations that focus on who you are like a person, not how you look; put on your headphones with some soul-stirring tunes; and look deeply into your own eyes in the mirror while reciting the affirmations. It sounds awkward, but it really is reprogram the vital eye by creating new neural pathways, or thought patterns, which improve your relationship with your mirror image. It has helped me see myself with lighter eyes, so give it a go.
5. Ignore obsession, embrace healthy worship.
For DeFino, who used to work for the Kardashians, being in an environment where you’re surrounded by enhanced faces is just too much. “LA, as you know, is a place with a mind—,” she said, “and makes you feel like yourself. [face] unmeasurable.”
One way to cope without moving to another city is to think like a facialist and pamper yourself with a skincare routine you’re excited about. Rinse, tone, moisturize, mask or gua sha with some rosehip facial oil while watching Netflix. Anything that makes you feel most confident and radiant is fine, as long as you feel cared for.
6. Don’t hate, be decorative.
Sarbaziha told me: “Now we have the ability to take what we were born with and make it look a little better. Tailor your face to your comfort level: Experiment with a new hairstyle, facial highlights, or a lipstick shade that makes you stand out. Have fun with big earrings or bold glasses. Gear up like never before, and maybe, if neurotoxins are your thing, invest in some Botox. The goal here is to hate less, then like, and maybe even love what you see, so – as far as is reasonable – do what you have to.
7. Remember: Intention is everything.
You can’t fix the inside with the outside, so don’t forget to do the things that make your heart smile. Whether you have a new hobby or pet, volunteering, practicing gratitude every day, or joining a new community, it’s paramount that you get out of your head. This will help you forget your face — and that’s a win.
8. Feel how you feel.
Facial dysmorphic disorder is a traumatic response. For me, it became a coping mechanism for channelless creativity and unexpressed emotions, namely anger and rage at being isolated during the pandemic. If you’re going through something similar, make sure you allow yourself the space and time to slow down, breathe, and really feel what needs to be felt. Exercises like walking on the beach, breathing exercises, dancing, or journaling tend to trigger and release intense emotions that are often repressed. You may find yourself a little different after releasing the emotions that you are most likely venting.
9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Bipolar disorder is notoriously difficult to treat, so don’t go it alone. Dr. Eda Gorbis, Founder of the Westwood Anxiety Disorders Institute and a BDD treatment specialist, says it’s time to seek help if you can’t work, date, or attend social events. Coincidentally, people with dysmorphic disorder, often above average in appearance, sometimes get into car accidents because they are constantly looking in the rearview mirror of their car. Cognitive behavioral therapy, which includes exposure practices, journaling, and mindfulness, is often the first line of defense for dysmorphic disorder. Gorbis also developed a “curved mirror” that magnifies the patient’s distortions, distorting the distorted self-image.
“If you can turn despair into laughter,” explains Gorbis, “you turn the tide.”
