“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard. There’s no point in your rambling, incoherent response, you’re even close to anything. could be considered a reasonable thought. Everyone in this room is now dull from hearing it. I give you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
– Principal, “Billy Madison”
At Bottom 10’s headquarters, which sits behind the giant brass polishing barrel that Alabama used to take care of all the trophies it brought home last week, we turned off the lights in our office because Season. Okay, the power company actually turned them off, but regardless, we’ve started going into hibernation after the annual season. But then we took a look at ESPN and found the “Best of 2021” stories popping up. Are from All Americas Teams arrive best quotes arrive best moments, there’s no shortage of informative, entertaining looks at the best and brightest of that season.
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All out of respect for my co-workers, but how hard is it to keep track of the best moments of the season? It’s a low hanging fruit proverb. Anyone who’s ever picked apples knows that the real challenge of the harvest is sorting through everything that falls to the ground and looking until you find something you can still eat, even if only after when checking to make sure that tetanus shots are up to date.
In that spirit and without any further advice, sorry, and sorry Bryce Young, Emil von Behring and Paul Harvey, here are the final 10 moments of the 2021 college football season.
1. UMass ‘Pillow Fight of the Century’ Hits
When UMess hosted U-Can’t on October 9, we here at Bottom 10 hailed the moment as the Pillow Fight of the Century and shamelessly declared it after that contest ended. ends that there can be no lower scores for the remainder of the season. So as the Minutemen win that game and celebrate their best since spinning the red jacket back at Old North Bridge, we believe the 2021 Bottom 10 title is over.
[Glass Shatters]#Flagship 🚩 pic.twitter.com/Pf67wqbuav
– UMass Soccer (@UMassFootball) October 9, 2021
Then UMass lost to Rhode Island. Then UMass fired his coach. Then UMass lost to Maine. Then UMass ended the season with a loss to New Mexico State in a match we were forced to name Pillow Fight of the Year of the Century: Endgame.
4Q, 1:43 | 4th and 1st, backed up against its own end area, Aggies Defense can make a big stop and send this game to ice.
44
27#AggieUp | 🏈 pic.twitter.com/vqKOtsyCo4– New Mexico State Soccer (@NMStateFootball) November 27, 2021
Then we threw all our tea in the pond near our neighborhood and lay down and slept for a week because we had a crush…until our HOA started banging on the door wanting to know. Why does the pond smell like Lipton.
2. Brian Kelly Becomes Farmer Fran
A lousy Southern accent is also a part of Hollywood tradition, like red carpet walking and green light sequels no one really wants. The depravity of the all-time dialect was revealed by Dan Aykroyd in “Driving Miss Daisy” when he apparently prepared for the role of an Atlanta businessman by watching a series of Foghorn Leghorn cartoons. “AH SAYS, AH SAYS, MUTHA, WOULDN YA LYKE DO I GO DOWN TO THAT GRO-SUH-REE STOW?” But what Brian Kelly did in the hours after being recruited at LSU made Aykroyd’s performance seem Oscar-worthy. Wait… are we being told that Aykroyd has received a Best Supporting Actor nomination for that role? For real? For more on Kelly’s crimes against lilt, here’s a great breakdown from SportsCenter’s Elle Duncan, even if she mis-tagged Ryan McGee in her Twitter post…
take Elle…anyone posing as a Southerner. lol damn. Thank you @ryanmcgee for the guest! pic.twitter.com/RIw55R2jZo
– Elle Duncan (@ellinguncanESPN) December 4, 2021
3. Florida man riding a horse collapsed all the way out
If you’ve ever watched or listened to Marty & McGee (and if you have, thank you), you know that Mr. Smith and I are considered by some to be experts in Southern imitation. You also know that, thanks to Hillbilly Headlines, we too are experts on Florida Man mining. But none of the stories we’ve covered – not about the naked guy scurrying around in the middle of I-4, or the guy who robbed a Walmart with his Hoveround scooter, or the man who filled the potholes in the neighborhood. his street with a banana tree — perhaps telling of the Florida Man’s feat of Gainesville, who nearly beat Alabama and then immediately explained his failure to recruit during the season, beating the media informed when questioned about his team’s 52-point surrender to FCS Samford and being fired after losing to Missouri in extra time. I wrote about, talked about, and Bottom 10’d about the whole mess… which made me a little awkward when I showed up for Marty & McGee at the SEC championship game and saw that say Florida Man was hired as an analyst for the weekend.
When they display bama, the boos, the cheers of the tide
When they showed UGA content, bama booed, dawgs cheered
BUT when Dan Mullen shows up, people will boo pic.twitter.com/7JzurTBnOY
– king 0x (@mashfreak) December 4, 2021
4. Florida State Man Bends It Like Broke-um
But hey, at least Dan Mullen got fired a week before the Florida State game which kept him from seeing this firsthand…
How can you cause such a bad spot kick??? pic.twitter.com/3Lfs4RZetc
– Camden (@Camden1703) November 27, 2021
5. South Florida Man Tortured By Other South Florida Men
And hey, at least Florida went on to fire Mullen instead of putting him through some sort of psychological torture chamber for a month like Miami did with Manny Diaz, fired the AD and did a very good job search went public with information leaks to the outlet national news sites… all while Diaz and his staff were on the recruitment road and read all those leaks through all the outlets. that news item.
Miami to Mario Cristobal: “Please fire Manny Diaz for us. We don’t have the guts to do it ourselves.”
– SportsPac12 (@ SportsPac12) December 5, 2021
6. Speaking of torture…
What if I told you that a rule was established to prevent another game like the 2018 LSU-Texas A&M contest from running seven times and producing a final score of 74-72 and what we ended up being a 2021 Illinois-Penn State game. lasted nine times and produced a score of… 20-18 ?!
Hey guys, I took a 23-hour train ride to watch Illinois beat 7th-place Penn State 20-18 in nine extended games. How’s your Saturday?
– Robert Rosenthal (@ALionEye) October 23, 2021
7. Kent State Golden Fleshes Uniform
Speaking of OT, the former Kent State regular Bottom 10 member closed the regular season with a thrilling extra-time win over Ohio’s My Hammy to win his division and advance to the championship game. MAC. The bad news? They apparently lost their regular uniform on the way to the title game and were forced to wear the UCLA practice team uniform from 1972.
8. UTSA can’t have nice things
Speaking of former Bottom 10 members who have moved on to better lives, the ROCK in UTSA has somehow gone from competing every year for Bottom 10 titles to running the table in 2021…well, almost. so. The Roadrunners won 11-0 and placed 22nd nationally, they were long past Conference USA West and only needed to beat North Texas 4-6 to complete an undefeated season in just 10 years of the program’s existence. . But in the rain and with a roster ravaged by illness, they lost 45-23, and honestly it wasn’t that close.
Did UTSA strategically lose to North Texas so that UNT would qualify for a tie and 5-7 Texas could not get a tie? No one can guarantee it. 🤔
– RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 28, 2021
9. The Presbyterian’s unyielding trainer punishes the work
Kevin Kelley, aka Coach Who Never Punts, left behind a legendary gig as an Arkansas high school coach to try his hand at college football when he got a chance at the University Presbyterian Blue Hose school hired to bring some joy and hope to those who have not been vile from long ago. scholarship program in rural South Carolina. Kelley won the first two games by a total of 152-46 as his quarterback broke the FCS record for TD passes, and no, Hose never lost. But then they lost their next game, their first against a scholarship team, 72-0. Then they lost again. And one more time. And one more time. They ended the year on a nine-game losing streak, with a dressing room mutiny, and yes, they started to play bad some, too. In the end, Kelley gave up the gig, departing at the end of the season “to pursue other football opportunities.” So now I ask you, what is the biggest miss, Kelley at PC, or This 2,458-word eloquent passage about Kelley at the PC I wrote in September?
10. Everything in Texas is bigger, including the bad
From the summer days, SEC media has been burning orange bombshells about the Pending Conference’s Southwest to Southeast move, all the way through to the end of the 5-7 season that includes a series of games. The school’s longest losing streak since 1956, Texas dominated the 2021 headlines for a list of weird and misguided reasons. It reminds me of a story. A businessman was in Austin for a business trip and decided to have dinner at the hotel’s steakhouse. He ordered a beer, and when he arrived it was bigger than his head. “Hey,” said the waitress, “everything is big in Texas.” He ordered a salad, and it came in a bowl. “Hey,” she repeated, “everything goes big in Texas.” He ordered a steak and it took three waiters to bring it to his table. “Hey…” “Yeah, yeah, I know, things get big in Texas.” When he asked the waitress for directions to the restroom, she told him to go through the lobby and it was the second door on the left. He misunderstood, accidentally entered the third door and in the dark room stepped right into the indoor swimming pool. When thrown into the water, he shouted to anyone who could hear him, “Don’t flush it!”
How bad is Texas football?
Texas hoops on ESPN2 and Texas football on ESPNU.
– Cork Gaines (@CorkGaines) November 14, 2021
Waiting lists: Throw stuff on the field, get mad at people calling you for throwing things on the field, bad expansion moves, complain about your CFP rank and then lose instantly the following week , COVID-19.
