I love lubrication. For me, having sex without lubricant is like brushing my teeth with a dry toothbrush. It can get the job done, but the result is… sticky, a bit painful, and doesn’t leave you feeling refreshed. Lube is not an optional luxury sitting in a bedside drawer waiting for the “right moment”. Whether you’re spending intimate time with yourself, a partner, or multiple partners, it’s a good idea to use an intimate lubricant.
No bedroom is complete without at least one or two on hand, especially if you plan to use sex toys. (You should use sex toys, but that’s another story.) As far as I know, lubricants are just as necessary for sex as condoms and clean hands. If I go to someone’s house for a good time and there’s no lubricant waiting on the nightstand, I’m out the door.
No Lube, No Boob
I was surprised to learn that not everyone agrees with me on this. In the (albeit mostly exotic and Pacific Northwest) bedrooms I’ve stayed in, lubricants are as common as bed sheets and tarot cards. If you’ve never tried lube before, or if you have some reservations, it’s probably not your fault. There are powerful forces working to convince you that you should be out there doing it. Dark forces, gathered in the night, who only seek to soothe your genitals.
One of these toxic creatures is misogyny — it tells us that using intimate lubricants is in some way a failure; that needing it to have sex is a failure on your part or your partner. It whispers: How dare you not get wetter; There must be something wrong with your body.
Another monster under the bed is the machismo. It tells us that using lubricant means you are a bad lover and you have failed to get your partner excited. All are meaningless. There’s nothing wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with your technique. Sometimes the body doesn’t do what we want and surprise, surprise, sometimes the genitals don’t work the way movies, TV, books, and porn tell us.
Joy is not the enemy
Disappointingly, these attitudes continue to shape not only popular opinion but also medical research on sexual health. Most of the research that I reviewed when researching this story focused on intimate lubricants that focused on curing a problem. I only found one or two mentions of sexual pleasure, and one of those was research on the number of articles on sexual health. referring to sexual pleasure. It’s 2022, can we stop pretending that people shouldn’t get off the bus? Or is that sexual pleasure unimportant? Because it is. Leave that Plymouth-Rock-Puritanical-Hester-Prynne nonsense behind.
Anyone who’s ever touched himself knows that having a little extra (saliva, natural moisture, etc.) And feel good is the whole problem! Water-based or silicone-based lubricants made with high-quality ingredients can be like rocket fuel for your sexual pleasure.
Not only do they prevent rubbing (and microscopic tears) on the most sensitive parts of your body, but they also make things a lot more tolerable. Lube is like sex MSG. It makes everything better, and some people are strangely afraid of it.
Let’s get to work
OK, so where do you start? Easy: Order yourself a bottle of water-based, fragrance-free, glycerin-free, fragrance-free lubricant. You don’t want any scent, because when you in its thick, it will make everything smell weird. (The same goes for flavored lubricants.) Ideally, you want a lubricant with as few ingredients as possible. Keep it simple.
Brands like Liquids that fit the bill and feel great to use on any genitals, other than that they are inexpensive. In my experience, they can leave you feeling a bit sticky afterwards. For a more advanced lube, I’ll show you the words Maude or Lady. These lubricants meet the above criteria but leave a nice clean finish and last a bit longer when you use them.
The other major type of lubricant you’ll encounter is silicone-based. These lubricants are oil-based, which means they last much longer than water-based lubricants, because your body won’t absorb them as quickly; it makes them the most popular choice for anal play and anal sex. However, they can interfere with vaginal flora, so it’s generally not recommended to use them for vaginal play or vaginal sex.
There’s also another big caveat with silicone-based lubricants: You can’t use them with silicone sex toys. Silicone lubricants can cause silicone toys to degrade over time. If you use silicone lubricants with silicone toys, be sure to use condoms. My favorites here are from the same brands as above: liquid and Maude.
Other than that, my only remaining piece of advice is: Play! Play with yourself. Grab a lubricant, take a moment, get a favorite toy, and go ham. The only way to learn how to use lubricants is to use them, and the best way to practice is with yourself. Find out how applicable they are, how much you want to use them, and the best place to store them. Sex should be easy, frictionless, and feel great — and a good lubricant helps with all three.
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